Truly Freely Deeply

My spring break will officially be over in 50 minutes, and then back to work…

This spring break was probably one of the best because I got a lot of work done but also got to spend A LOT of time with my parents (who I barely see) and old friends (who I barely see). I spent the majority of my spring break at my parents’ house, sleeping in my old twin size bed, looking up at my glow in the dark stars on the ceiling(remember those?!). My parents haven’t changed my old bedroom at all.

I went through old pictures, old clothes,etc. I helped my mom get rid of stuff, but it was also nice to kind of go back in time for a little bit. It was nice to flashback to happy memories of my childhood and teenage years. I even came across my 6th birthday invitation that my mom kept, Strawberry Shortcake, baby!

As I went through my childhood closet, I came across my first Backstreet Boys t-shirt. I discovered this group right after my grandmother died because the girl who’s parents rented out my grandmother’s house loved them (The Backstreet Boys came to Europe MANY years before they came to the US). I would listen to their songs over and over again for comfort through losing my grandmother at the age of nine. Then, when my first kiss crushed my heart, I listened to them over and over again. When I was older and couldn’t find a job I listened to them over and over again. When my exfiance and I didn’t work out I listened to them over and over again. Their voices and incredibly optimistic, sappy lyrics some how give me comfort and always have. Some people might say oh yeah they have catchy lyrics, and a good beat. It’s more than that for me, there are the happy memories I have attached to them as well.

People make fun of me and usually laugh hysterically the second I say I’m still and always will be a HUGE Backstreet Boys fan. I realized there’s no shame in having a musical group, whoever they are, that you listen to on repeat when times are a little hard for you, whatever the reasons, and no matter who the musical group is. With time, it also hit me that it doesn’t matter that people make fun of me even though 90% of the population (including men I date) hate them because that’s ok, I won’t ask them to join a BSB fan club.

The song below is from 1995. The first 10 seconds are too cheesy even for me, but I still love it and if you actually listen to it, it gets MUCH better. I am not ashamed to say that I know practically EVERYTHING about this group and their music. I can tell you which songs they wrote (yes they HAVE written some of their own songs), what musical instruments they play,words to all their songs, where they’re from,etc.

So it’s 16 years later for this song and I can honestly say that this song still helps me because it supports me in my belief that one day the heartbreak will end and I will meet someone who couldn’t imagine living with out me.

What musical group/song/CD comforts you? Don’t have one? Never tried it? You should, they even have musical therapy for patients who have been through traumatic events. (I know, I know, who are they you ask, but seriously, try it!)

There’s a new song that I can totally relate to, and I’ve fallen in love with every word from the lyrics.

I love. I deeply love. I love the people in my life so much that when I lose them, my heart, happiness, soul and spirit temporarily go into hibernation. Luckily I’m blessed that when I’m in those moments where I just get to indulge in the love I have for the people in my life, I feel it to the core of who I am.

I dedicate this song to everyone I love, you know who you are. Yes, on bad days, I do sing the song to myself.

Today I was enjoying a run outside, feeling Texas’ crazy 70 something degree weather in January when my ipod played a song I didn’t recognize. It has now become my new theme song. I played it over and over again as I felt myself pound the pavement harder and harder. It will be my theme song at least for the next few weeks as my birthday and many other important dates approach. The words of the song are not only beautiful but also so heartfelt. I’ve never heard this song before and I have no idea how it got on my ipod. I think the music fairies put it there because they knew I needed it today.

I love happy accidents. Happy accidents produce friendships, job opportunities, artistic inspirations, new food discoveries, and sometimes even love…

I felt free, at peace, liberated and understood as I listened to this song. Hope you like it too.
P.S. I was going to play the version where you see her singing but I didn’t want you distracted by her pink hair and nose ring (which at one time in my life I had as well, lil crazy coincidence there Ani!)

I give gifts to my loved ones year round.
I donate to charities in the summer.
I’ve realized that when it comes to the holiday season, every year people and society tell us more and more it’s the season of giving so: give all your money away and inconvenience yourself so that you can buy a present for everyone you know.
The way I see it, either you can give in entirely and kick your debt ridden butt till March or you can just listen to an old record, preferably the once ago sexy Ricky Nelson and really hear his wise words. Of course, adopt an angel and buy toys for tots, but don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not buying presents for everyone you know or donating to every charity that asks.
Yes, I’m blogging to myself here too.
And, on random a side note: I create a lot of art for gifts and I always second guess what people say, or I over analyze what they might say. This song is a happy reminder that in the end, if the heart of the artist/gift-giver likes it, so will the gift receiver.
Happy Holidays!
PS Yes, I do indeed own a record player and this record in fact, in mint condition!

Ricky Nelson – Garden Party
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So going off of my last post:
Never underestimate the power of “I’d like that”.
When everything in life is falling into place, it makes a girl wonder: why,why me? What have I done to deserve this? Work is crazy busy, but really good. I got an offer to illustrate a children’s book with a first time author, I’ve met someone really special (no, I won’t ever reveal anything about my bf) and just everything is good (no, I never said perfect, just good). I wish I had a magic wand so that everyone could have what I have. My sister Diana and best friend Elysa have always said that everything in life is about timing. I kind of always thought that was annoying to hear. Now, I see that’s simply true. I bought a song off itunes and I’ve had it on my ipod for years because I think it’s beautiful but I’ve never actually felt the words before. How beautiful would life be, if everything continues to go right? I know my heart and face would continue smiling,that’s for sure. )

Touché John Mayer. I have loved this song for approximately 4 and a half years now…lol…

Then, I found the video for the song and John Mayer gives a little speech beforehand. All I have to say: I am still obsessed with this song and touché John Mayer.

Sometimes songs really do express exactly what I’m feeling.

Sometimes I really do think my life is in a tv series with a weekly or daily theme.

I have forgiven and people say they’ve forgiven me. Sometimes, people say they “can’t” forgive or don’t want to move past the past. Sadly, even if forgiveness is there, no one can erase the past though. What experiences can I and other people move past and which experiences can we not move past?

Beautiful, beautiful song I found to express what I’m feeling…

I never get tired of this song…I play it over and over and over again…

It’s kind of crazy how absolutely wonderful it feels to hold another person or have another person hold you.

A simple hug.

I grew up having numerous hugs every day, all day long, yes even in highschool and college. It’s strange to not have that anymore.

I love the feeling of holding my godson, Benjamin, especially when he’s asleep, and just soaking up all his wonderfulness. I talk to him and tell him how much I love him, how I’ll always be there for him, and how precious he is.

I love when my parents hug me and for just a second I have the sense of no worries.

When my sister Diana hugs me, I feel the overwhelming feeling of the most love I’ve ever felt. I think she loves me more than a human being can love another human being, if that makes any sense. I’m a very blessed girl.

I wish I could flip a switch and have hugs be more acceptable in our society. There’s one employee at a company who gives so many hugs he practically creeps out one of my friends and myself, but a part of me is envious that he gets so many hugs every day. Most people might think, aw he’s so sweet giving hugs all the time, when in fact, he’s getting hugs!

So, here are some warm whispers….because warm whispers of love are just as precious as hugs and cuddles….

Friend hugs

This song means so much more to me than about simply teenage love and self esteem. I dedicate this song to all the women I know who have ever been hurt by a man, family member, teacher, professor, coach, friend, stranger; the list goes on, and that covers everyone I’ve ever met. Because, we all know that words hurt just as much as physical pain, and the verbal scars last just as long as the physical ones.

I love this song, because it feels so good to be reminded, yeah that’s right, it was always in us to begin with. Did you hear that ladies?